Staying optimistic and having a positive attitude isn’t bad. But too much sugar in a bitter pill is nothing but counterproductive. In other words, excess of anything isn’t the solution. Being positive seems like one’s best bet but here’s how it’s not all that positive.
Let’s try to break down this new expression first. What is Toxic Positivity?
Toxic Positivity, simply put, is generalization of one emotion (happiness) to be the benchmark or accepted emotion, thereby invalidating other emotions and tones of expression. This results in denial and dismissing one’s need to express feelings. Experts believe this is not only causing distress amongst people but is also deteriorating their mental health.
But what has led us to getting all caught up in this fabricated joy-ride?
The need to belong is one of the most basic human instincts. Along with this comes all sorts of social pressures and standards of what’s good and what’s bad.
Studies have shown that more people are attracted towards people who are full-of-life. And why not, the chances of them burdening you are less. The stakes of any barter of vulnerability is low. It’s easy going and no one has to feel worried. But all this is true only for someone who is sincerely wired to be this positive and happy.
Yes, positivity has its charm but as humans, we aren’t meant to be clones of each other. We experience, feel and perceive everything around us at different wavelengths. So, to put pressure on yourself by thinking that the only way to be acceptable is to be positive is a disservice to you and your mental wellbeing. It is absolutely okay to be just sad or suffer from anxiety.
But does that mean one should enshroud themselves in sadness and anger?
No, experts believe that living through each emotion enables your brain to better analyse yourself. What that means is to visit your emotion, (each and every one) like you’d visit your friends. There’s always a line which you must draw to prevent the emotions from interfering in your life and affecting you more than you’d like them to.
So, stay with the emotion, but don’t overinvest. Experience uncomfortable emotions, but don’t let them consume you.
Most importantly, when you do stay with an emotion – try to understand it, and yourself better. A good method to follow is to try to label your emotions and put a name to them. There might be times when you feel a whole bunch of emotions at the same time, or times when certain emotions mask themselves as others, for example your guilt or shame might present itself as anger. It can take a while to get the hang of it, but putting words to feelings is a great way to stay in tune with what you’re feeling.
So, take some time out. Sit with yourself and pay attention to your feelings. There are dozens of ways to spend some quality time with yourself. Along with self-care practices, one can better analyse, understand and care for oneself.
In short, forget phrases like “Don’t think about it. Chill & just stay positive” and replace them with “It’s a difficult time and I’m coping with it”.